"Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here: My Sisyphean Attempt to Conquer Shadow of the Erdtree"
As I embark on the grueling journey that is Shadow of the Erdtree, the latest DLC expansion for Elden Ring, I’m faced with an existential crisis. Has creator Hidetaka Miyazaki’s love of torturing his poor players reached new, sinister heights? Or is this his finest hour, a masterclass in sadistic game design? Me? I’m just a gladiator in his twisted arena, hoping against hope that I won’t self-destruct before reaching the end credits.
Miyazaki boasts that Eldtree contains more than 10 boss fights, but I’ve counted… checks notes…23. And that’s not including those pesky optional bosses cowering in the shadows, taunting me with their very existence. At least, I think I lost count; my sanity is a goner after the 17th rematch against Rellana, that cruel, unyielding b*tch.
The so-called "freedom" Miyazaki granted us players? Please! I’m trapped in this cycle of kill-or-be-killed futility, forced to relive those agonizing moments until… until… takes deep breath… until I perfect that one, elusive strategy (only to have another "helpful" NPC die in combat, rendering my progress futile yet again).
And don’t even get me started on those poison swamps. shudders at the memory Miyazaki likes to think he’s clever by varying the ways we can meet our demise, but honestly, who else but a masochistic game designer would devise areas where a single misplaced step, like stepping on a hidden toxic mud patch, means instant annihilation?
Miyazaki prides himself on pushing players beyond their limits, but I call his bluff. He’s playing fast and loose with the boundaries between fun and frustration. I’ll continue to trudge through Erdtree, fueled by equal measures of rage and determination, but for a game that’s more art experiment than entertainment.
