The facade of innovation: where the self-proclaimed visionaries of the startup world get their hands on our wallets, and the “progress” they tout is nothing but a shell game.
This week, Tesla’s Elon Musk, the great showman, convinced his shareholders to approve his absurd $56 billion pay package, solidifying his position as the highest-paid CEO in history. And where did he do this, you ask? Texas, the home of big egos and even bigger oil reserves. Because what’s a multi-billion dollar payday without a healthy dose of Texas-sized bravado? Shareholders erupted in applause as Musk juggled his multiple companies and dodged two new lawsuits – because what’s a little controversy when you’re a billionaire?
In other news, Fisker’s Ocean SUV, touted as the future of electric vehicles, sank like the Titanic due to software glitches and lemon lawsuits. But hey, at least it’s not the first time Fisker has driven a company into bankruptcy. And speaking of plots, Adobe was called out by the DOJ for allegedly making it easier to escape Alcatraz than cancel one of its subscriptions.
And then there’s YouTube, the ultimate puppet master, pushing its anti-ad blocker crusade to new heights with server-side ad injections. Because what’s a little manipulation when you’re a trillion-dollar empire?
In the world of AI, Apple finally threw its hat into the ring, joining the likes of Google and OpenAI in a desperate bid to depict AI with a logo that makes sense. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t. The company’s new visual for “Intelligence” is a psychedelic circle – aka a lopsided infinity symbol – or maybe it’s a sign that your phone is about to turn into an alien spaceship.
But hey, let’s not forget about the real issues. Ilya Sutskever, the AI brainiac, left OpenAI to start his own project, Safe Superintelligence Inc. (SSI), because who wouldn’t want to make sure super-smart AI doesn’t become our overlord? It’s like they’re trying to balance the scales of justice in a world where the robots are winning.
And in the world of startups, GPTZero’s dynamic duo, Edward Tian and Alex Cui, are raking it in, with $10 million freshly bagged from eager VCs. It’s like they’re the ultimate power couple, skipping their quarter-life crisis and straight to swimming in cash.
But wait, there’s more! Apple developers, pour one out for your favorite third-party apps because iOS 18 is coming, and it’s bringing its wrecking ball. And speaking of wrecking balls, Care/of, the personalized vitamin subscription company, is officially calling it quits. But hey, at least it tried, right?
And finally, let’s not forget about the EU lawmakers’ latest plan to scan private messages for CSAM, because what’s a little privacy when you’re trying to make the world a safer place? As Signal’s Meredith Whittaker put it, “That’s not how privacy works.”
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