“BOOM! I’M HANDING DOWN AN ULTRA-VIP INVESTIGATIVE DEMAND TO APPLE! I WANT ALL EMAILS, MEMOS, AND COFFEE-BREAK CHAT SESSIONS RELATING TO THEIR BACKROOM DEAL-MAKING AND SNEAKY DECISIONS IN FRONT OF ME. YES, ALL OF THEM, NO MATTER HOW PAINFUL OR EMBARRASSING. IN FACT, I WANT THE WHOLE BARN AND ALL THE COWS IN IT – AND NOT JUST THE COWS, BUT THEIR FEED, THEIR WATER, THEIR FAVORITE GRAZE SPOTS. I WON’T REST UNTIL I’VE UNCOVERED THE TRUTH! SO, APPLE, BE PREPARED TO SWIM IN A SEA OF DOCUMENTS – AND REMEMBER, THE MORE THEY ARE, THE MORE CONVINCED I WILL BE OF MY OWN JUDICIAL SUPERIORITY.”
“MR. PERRY, YOU’VE GOT SECONDS TO ANSWER.”
“SILENCE, ROBOTS! I HEAR THE PEOPLE’S CONCERNS AND THEY DEMAND ACTION! THIS ISN’T A PETTY BICKER ABOUT ‘TIME PARAMETERS’ IT’S A MATTER OF JUSTICE! NOW, APPLE, START DIGGING – AND IF YOU SMELL SOMETHING STRANGE, IT’S NOT THE JUDGE’S TIE, IT’S PROBABILITY IT’S… IT’S… *SHOCKING TWIST*. ANYWAY, APPLE, YOU’VE GOT TIME TO GET TO WORK!”
“SO, WE’RE STARTING FROM THE MOMENT I UNLEASHED MY FURY UPON THE WORLD. FROM THERE, WE’LL CAREEN INTO A DEPTH CHARGE OF APPLE’S SECRETS, ANCHOR-ING THOSE BOMBSHNELLS TO THE FLOOR OF TRUTH. I WON’T REST UNTIL THE LAST DOCUMENT HAS BEEN PULLED INTO THE LIGHT. AND AS FOR YOU, APPLE? YOU’D BETTER GET READY TO… *THE END*… OR SHALL I SAY… *JUDGMENT DAY?*”
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