The Ultimate Ears Speaker Invasion: A Descent into Madness
Ultimate Ears has just dropped the $249.99 Everboom, the sixth speaker in its lineup, because who needs personal boundaries or a social life when you can have more speakers? This behemoth of a speaker slots in between the Megaboom and the Epicboom, because why settle for just one or two when you can have three?
But what’s the point of having all these speakers, you ask? Well, the Everboom has all the usual UE traits: it’s IP67, waterproof, and can float in a pool or lake, because who doesn’t want to listen to music while drowning? It also has an outdoor boost mode that adjusts the sound profile for wide open environments, because nothing says "fun" like blasting music in a crowded park. And, of course, it has a removable carabiner, because who doesn’t want to attach their speaker to their backpack and go on a hike?
But wait, there’s more! Ultimate Ears is also updating its existing speakers, because why not? The Boom, Wonderboom, and Megaboom are all getting new colors, because who doesn’t love a good makeover? And, finally, they’re all switching to USB-C, because it’s about time. The Boom and Megaboom are also getting "enhanced deep bass radiators," because who doesn’t love a good bass drop? And the Wonderboom is getting a podcast mode, because who doesn’t love listening to their favorite hosts and stories while doing laundry?
But the real pièce de résistance is the new "megaphone" feature, which allows users to project their voice through the speaker. Because who doesn’t want to yell at the top of their lungs in public? I’m already dreading the chaos that will ensue when people start using this feature on public transportation.
So, with the Everboom and other hardware upgrades, Ultimate Ears’ lineup now looks like this:
- Boom: Because you need a speaker that’s small but still loud
- Wonderboom: Because you need a speaker that’s waterproof and can float
- Megaboom: Because you need a speaker that’s big and loud
- Epicboom: Because you need a speaker that’s even bigger and louder
- Everboom: Because you need a speaker that’s the biggest and loudest of them all
All of these new products are available to order beginning today, because who needs personal space or a social life when you can have more speakers?
